Can Platonic Relationships Work in the Deaf World?

 

 

Posted in vLog |

21 Responses to “Can Platonic Relationships Work in the Deaf World?”

  1. Bill Roderick Says:
    December 21st, 2008 at 8:33 pm

    Hi Teri,
    I have heard about “platonic” before. You are right what you just explained. Many deaf people don’t know about that word. Sometime, I explain to them what does that word mean. It can be close or best friend who have many things in common without physical like sex, seduction and etc. Right? I have noticed that many deaf have suspected about other people who are close friends and they just made wrong assumption. Sometime, they are jumping to the conclusion. They should walk on eggs what do they say. You know. Wish you and family Merry Christmas! Stay warm and well.

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  2. RF Walker Says:
    December 22nd, 2008 at 12:32 am

    Teri!

    It’s been a LONG while since I’ve ‘commented’ in here :) and before I forget - I love your hair.. it looks a lot better at that length. Just my opinion. smile

    Now.. on to the subject of plationic relationships in the deaf world - aye.. i know well what you speak of. To a degree, I’d have to agree with your husband’s thoughts on this about us deafies being of a suspicious nature, which makes sense, based on our experiences with the hearing world, etc. and I can readily understand that aspect only too well.

    I have witnessed a few great friendships between opposite sexes while at Gallaudet and other places and yes - they ARE possible. I have learned long ago never to assume anything unless i was told differently. I remember once when I struck up a friendship with a gay guy and we hung out a lot on campus which resulted in a lot of people assuming we were a ‘couple’ which was quite far from the truth. And yes, it’s possible for deaf gay men to be friends as well - this I have seen many time . I have also seen friendships develop between a straight woman and a straight man too. It was a good thing to see that such a level of comfort and trust can be reached between two people like that (or for anyone else for that matter).

    I like to think that a plactonic relationship between opposite sexes is more common than one might assume. Why are we so assumptive and suspicious by nature? This could be yet another topic to explore?

    Enough said here :) thanks for bringing this up and I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a happy new year. Do VP me sometime- its been too long :)
    Rob

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  3. Jon Savage Says:
    December 22nd, 2008 at 1:45 am

     

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  4. MM Says:
    December 22nd, 2008 at 3:21 am

    Lol no, platonic relationships betweem men and women do not work out in the long term. If a women or man is in a long term relationship then the olde green-eyed monster will eventually rear its head, if the ‘platonic’ relationship seems a bit more than it is to one or the other, and any bad hair day can do that !

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]

    Kirsia Reply:
    January 16th, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    Not necessary. It depends on each person. I have a long time friendship with my ex boyfriend - even roommate with my husband and I at the same time. It has been over 10 years and the good ol’ green eyed monster has not invaded because we both know it is not meant to be 10 years ago. We including my husband with him remain a platonic relationship to this day. Nothing wrong with that.

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  5. Moira Says:
    December 22nd, 2008 at 4:58 am

    Platonic relationships are rare in the Deaf community because most are not professionals or well educated people. Hearing people have the same problem among non professional people.

    The Deaf community is small so there is more watching and suspicion with jealousy. More misunderstandings. Men have more relationships but not allow their wifes or girlfriends to have platonic relationships.

    Deaf are 100 years behind hearing in platonic relationships.

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  6. Paulette Says:
    December 22nd, 2008 at 6:54 am

    Ur comments reminded me of the movie called WHEN HARRY MET SALLY, a romantic comedy about Harry and Sally and their “platonic” relationship. In the story platonic friends, Harry and Sally debated that the true friendship between men and women was not possible without sex. Harry didnt think it was possible while Sally thought the opposite.

    By the way, ur Christmas tree in the background is BEAUTIFUL!

    Have nice and safe holidays.

    Paulette

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  7. debby Says:
    December 22nd, 2008 at 7:16 am

    Jon Savage makes good point about people lack of training how to deal with platonic relationships. I think most deaf schools except Gallaudet do not offer deep philosophy courses which I think are very important for them to study and help them to understand people’s behavior in the world and be able to deal with them. For years suspicious, untrained people always try to ruin other people’s good name. It is hard work for us to protect our name from suspicious people.

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  8. Ziggy Says:
    December 22nd, 2008 at 7:55 am

    I think it is okay to have a platonic relationship. Should not worry about what other people think of your platonic relationship. They need to mind their own business. They have nothing to talk about except talk about other people.
    I am a single woman and I have several platonic relationship with male friends and they know I am not after them. I just enjoy their conversations.

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  9. Candy Says:
    December 22nd, 2008 at 8:08 am

    I agree deaf people are more suspicious. However it does happen in hearing world, if not often. I had a co-worker who hung out with another guy constantly, they were inseparatable, I never saw any thing more than “friendship”. Office rumors were that they were a “couple” but, turns out they were just best friends with no hint of sexuality.

    Is it possible for there to be a platonic relationship in DW? Sure, maybe not as much as it is in the HW.

    It’s ok to have a best friend of the opposite sex and for gays, the same sex without getting sexual.

    On another note, there are marriages that became platonic as well. Couples, for whatever reason, do not consume their marriage as they did in the beginning. Which is why you’d hear, we’re married but platonic.

    Good topic. :)

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  10. Deafchipmunk Says:
    December 22nd, 2008 at 8:14 am

    Hi Teri,

    I have to disagree with your “platonic” vlog.

    I want to share my comment with you about a famous or should I say “infamous” couple, J. Edgar Hoover and his closest friend, Clyde Tolson. Hoover and Tolson were suspected of being gays by million of people out there but others said no they were best friends and trusted each other in platonic relationship. Even until now, people are still suspecting…

    Enquirer and other newspapers are creating many false assumption against famous people and people too even thought they are in platonic relationship.

    Other cultural and religious people tend to stone people to death after their suspicious of their relationship.

    I have known some Deaf people are doing in platonic relationship and of course other deaf people are suspicious of them. That applies to hearing people too.

    Therefore, I do not agree with your comment on Deaf community regarding platonic.

    Thanks,
    Deafchip

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  11. Don G. Says:
    December 22nd, 2008 at 8:56 am

    What about many Deaf from schools for the Deaf? Many of us grow up with boys and girls from the schools — I have seen many people describe a person of the opposite sex as “I love him/her like a brother/sister”. Is that not the very definition of platonic relationship?

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  12. Jean Boutcher Says:
    December 22nd, 2008 at 11:29 am

    I have seen ins and outs since Daddy was hearing and Mother was deaf. Having lived in the hearing world 24/7 after attending an oral school, a Deaf school, a Deaf university, and a hearing university. I would, therefore, draw a final conclusion that there is definitely no difference between hearing people and deaf people. Suspicions of some people, be they hearing or deaf, are both positive and negative.

    Albeit being well-cultivated and sophisticated, a hearing person would naturally suspect if his girl firend or wife would secretly long for a deeper relationship than a platonic relationship with someone else. He cannot resist it; yet, he keeps hoping that his suspicion is negative. Why? Because he knows that his best male friend is both an intellectual and terribly attractive — something that I would call irresistible.

    Again, both hearing people and deaf people who have been strictly protected in non-coed schools would be apt to suspect negatively. They rarely have any Platonic relationship.

    My former hearing roommate used to be very suspicious about me and her hearing husband. Why? Because he is my former boyfriend whose engagement I had broken off. For the last 25 years, he still takes me out for dinner everytime he is in town. Through the correspondence for a period had she been finally convinced that the relationship between myself and her husband is purely Platonic.

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  13. Jessica Says:
    December 22nd, 2008 at 9:00 pm

    Hi,

    Yes, I think we can have platonic relationships whether in deaf world or hearing world. What fun would it be without them?! I have lots of cool guy friends that I am not even attracted to and I am so glad we are friends in the first place.

    I never realized “platonic” came from Plato!

    In my first year especially and some of my 2nd year of college, I was in a group with mainly guys only. I just related so well to them that I just hung out with them all the time. Later on some girl friends joined and it became more balanced. There were some attraction here and there but eventually things aligned themselves out. I still keep in touch with some of them today and some of them are now happily married to some women that they met and dated back during our college days. Sometimes they tease me and tell me to hurry up and find someone so I can understand what it feels like. Ha! I don’t know if anyone even made any issues about us, thinking there were anything more than just friendship but it was never brought up to me or to them. If it was, then it would have been cleared up simple and quickly.

    Sometimes it is nice to bring a male perspective into a platonic friendship to balance things out. At least for me!

    But I also had this problem once with a guy I met my freshman year. Everybody thought we looked so cute together. We had no interest in each other but just enjoyed each other’s company. People would tease us a lot about that! But eventually we drifted apart and he did marry a woman that he hung out with all the time! They were acting like real good friends just like us. I met her while we were hanging out together as good friends.

    I guess it is hard to tell which is just platonic and which will develop into something more. It gets people curious to see who will become an item. Romance interests us, doesn’t it?

    I remember some couples when all of a sudden they are spending a lot of time together, they would deny that they had anything going on or even admit anything until later, it became more clear that they truly had interest in each other.

    Guess best thing to do is just say nothing and just see if something develops between the two people? If nothing develops, then it is just platonic for the moment. We have more platonic relationships than we realize!

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  14. Jean Boutcher Says:
    December 23rd, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    Hi Teri,

    Addendum: Jealousy of some hearing espouses in regard to their Platonic relationshps with other hearing people often results in a separation or a divorce.

    Example: A hearing wife insults her husband’s intelligence in that she has shared an intellectual relationship (Platonic relationship) with someone else, not with her husband. It indeed does wound his pride and ego.

    Come to think of it, my hearing aunt divorced her husband after 30 years of marriage. The reason for the divorce was lack of communication (”Bored, boring, boredom,” she wrote to me). The week thereafter, she married her Platonic friend (!). No sex. Just affection and many hours of good conversations.

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  15. Car Says:
    December 23rd, 2008 at 1:29 pm

    Yes I believe we, Deaf people have platonic relationship. It would be possible that we have this kind of relationship until someone mentions about the special bond or becomes suspicious of that bond. The relationship may change or may not. We may not realize or never thought the relationship we have is called “platonic”. It may seem common in hearing world.

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  16. Teri Says:
    January 1st, 2009 at 1:49 pm

    Wow! I forgot to reply the comments here! I will come back and make some responses when the little ones go to bed tonight. Or tomorrow. More later!

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  17. Joanna Says:
    June 2nd, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    This is interesting! I am a Deaf person who grew up in Hearing world and grew up around guys. I always got along better with boys growing up because female would always not let me part of them. they would not let me be friends with them. so this is just how it became for me all my life. I never had those “sexual feelings ” for my male friends we fished, we bowled, we watched football together and no I am not a tom boy looking gal I am very female looking and always dress female. jeans and female shirts or sweaters.I picked a boyfriend who is hard of hearing he is more “cultured Deaf” than I am that fine. I would go to the Deaf fuctions fo his sake.. or he goes on his own poker ect..since he been gone died I just struggled with belonging.. so when I found alda that brought me a new meaning to me someone understands! Deaf or hoh or late Deafned adults in my situation.. I just think Cultured Deaf people need to accept others who are Deaf themselves and not Deaf cultured growing up.I feel there a discrimination towards us Deaf people who happens to have the english speaking ways of communication.we sign english but we try asl to those who want asl spoken to them. I just not great at asl signing because I am not around it much. then to have Deaf people thinking I sleeping with guys because I am friends with them is so wrong and misjudge me for my friends who happens to be male friends of mine for years. heck I had hoh boyfriend for 25 years and I let him know he not taking my friends away from me cuz I had them as friends for years before I even meet him and he understood that we had trust in one another. I am thankfull for my male friends so gratefull!!!

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  18. Joanna Says:
    June 2nd, 2009 at 10:35 pm

    come to think of it I forgot to add something… I know many people married for relationship and never have sex with one another..it common in hearing world.just some people do not have sexual function like they used to. I do not see anything wrong with it because I can see they do love one another being married and the sex is not there.. what a wonderfull way to be when two people can just grow old together and be happy! :)can that be refered as platonic marriage?

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]
  19. Kirsia Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 10:21 pm

    Teri;

    No, not only deaf people but hearing people have that too. I’ve been in the hearing world long enough to see things like that. I just mind my own business. To answer to your question about ((WHY??)) They are simply jealous that you have better communication with the other friends than them. Some are attention-whore and will try to get your attention too but if you don’t pay enough attention or talk enough with them then they will go out and gossip. It’s a sad world. You are right…the truth will come out at the end. I am the same way with the “truth will come out at the end” too. Don’t fret about the others, just enjoy your friendship with common sense people that can hold and maintain a conversation for hours. I have hard time finding deaf friends who can do that. So far I have maybe.. 3 deaf friends that I can actually talk with and not worry about things like that.

    Remember, it can be the jealousy that they feel. Does that answer your question?

    [Got Something to Say About This Comment? Here’s Your Chance!]

Share Your Thoughts

« Back to text comment